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Diary Of A Washington General
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Diary Of A Washington General

What Happens When You Lose Every Single Game?

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Sometimes you need a break from becoming a Better Man. This article is part of our new?Recess series, in which we take things a little less seriously (OK, maybe a lot less seriously).

Representatives from the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame were recently given a diary belonging to Arnold Hefferman, a 5'7” shooting guard who briefly played for the Washington Generals, a team best known for losing more than 13,000 games to the Harlem Globetrotters. A donation from a player of Hefferman's stature generally wouldn't elicit much interest. However, a closer examination of the book revealed something highly peculiar: Hefferman was unaware that the games he participated in were fixed and that the Generals were supposed to lose each match in spectacular fashion. The diary has since become part of the Hall of Fame's permanent collection and is now attracting hundreds of curious onlookers every day. Below are 11 entries from Hefferman's diary from July 16 to August 21, 1968.

La Crosse, Wisconsin, July 16th

Sweet, sweet redemption! After getting passed over in the NBA, ABA and Bolivian League drafts, my agent called to tell me I've been selected by the Washington Generals! It looks like leaving agricultural college after my freshman year is paying off after all. Take that Coach Bumbertwitch! I've been given a ticket to Cedar Rapids and asked to join the team tomorrow afternoon. Look out world, here I come!?

Cedar Rapids, Iowa, July 18th

My ticket turned out to be for an over-booked Greyhound and not a first class flight like I had hoped. Probably some sort of clerical error. After standing for 16 hours next to an overflowing toilet I finally arrived just in time for tipoff against a team from New York called the Harlem Globetrotters. Biggest group of showboaters I've ever seen. Nearly everything they tossed in was from around their back or between their legs. Coach opted not to dress me and I watched from the stands. We lost badly, 165-30, but I'm sure we'll bounce back.

Sioux City, Iowa, July 19th

I had my first practice with my new team today. What a great bunch of guys! Five of 'em are from agricultural college just like me. Who knew the Buck Knob School of Agriculture and Gassville State were such hoops hotbeds? Oddly enough, most of the drills we ran consisted of dribbling balls off of our feet and throwing passes away into the third row of the stands. Go figure. This must be some kind of newfangled pro technique I'm not familiar with.?

Omaha, Nebraska, July 21st

We played the Globetrotters again and lost 160-32, although it wasn't entirely our fault. We got off to a slow start after management made us participate in a blood drive ten minutes before tip off. Even with seven guys fainting during the first half, Coach still kept me on the bench. I know I'm new, but I'm seriously beginning to question how this team is run.?

P.S. I finally checked out our "schedule." It turns out we're playing these jokers for the next 300 games in a row. Where the hell are the other teams in this league?!

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