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Vulnerability and Emotional Suppression in Men
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Vulnerability and Emotional Suppression in Men
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Vulnerability and Emotional Suppression in Men

How Men Manage Stress by Disassociating From Their Feelings

In today's world, men face cultural expectations revolving around traditional masculinity that dictate how to manage their emotions without complaining or appearing weak. Society is not kind to men in this regard and, worse, often ridicules men for being “soft” or not “man enough” if they falter from the narrative.

This creates a challenging path for men when it comes to managing stress which causes men to become disassociated from their feelings. This creates a complex psychological landscape for men to navigate.

Once the tipping point is reached, men protect themselves by disassociating from their feelings, crossing the Rubicon of going through life emotionally disengaged. Over the long-run, this can create a massively negative impact both individually and collectively.

RELATED: The Benefits of Embracing Emotional Vulnerability


The Burden of Cultural Expectations


“Male emotional suppression can contribute to higher rates of suicide among men due to the lack of outlets for emotional expression and the societal expectation for men to be stoic and self-reliant,” says Dr. Avigail Lev, a psychotherapist and the Founder and Director of the Bay Area CBT Center. “Cultural stigmas surrounding masculinity often discourage men from seeking help or discussing their emotions openly, leading to feelings of isolation and hopelessness.”

Cultural norms surrounding traditional masculinity further compound this burden. These norms dictate how men are to display toughness, strength, and resilience while suppressing their emotions. Expressing vulnerability or seeking emotional support may be perceived by others as a sign of weakness, causing men to suffer silently.

Behind closed doors, this suppression of emotions can take a toll on men's mental health, leading to the following:

  • Inability to manage stress effectively.
  • Bottling up emotions can hinder the formation of deep, meaningful connections with others, resulting in difficulties in forming and maintaining relationships with a spouse, children, and friends.
  • Prolonged emotional suppression has been linked to increased risk of physical health issues such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and weakened immune system.
  • Reduced emotional intelligence causes men to struggle to understand and empathize with the emotions of others.
  • Serves as a barrier to personal growth and self-awareness.
  • Cause heightened levels of stress and anxiety, as unexpressed emotions continue to build up over time.
  • Increased risk of addictive behaviors.
  • Impaired decision-making due to lack of emotional clarity.
  • A diminished sense of emotional well-being, causing a disconnect from one's true self and a sense of emptiness or numbness.

“The detrimental effects of traditional masculinity on a man's mental health include increased rates of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, as well as higher suicide rates. The expectations to be strong, unemotional, and invulnerable can create a sense of internal conflict, making it difficult for men to seek help or express their emotions, which can negatively impact their overall well-being,” says Dr. Lev.

Perhaps the worst consequences of emotional suppression is the formation of “shadows”.


Shadows: Unintended Consequences of Emotional Suppression


The consequences of emotional suppression and adhering strictly to traditional masculine norms can be profound. Typically, these conditions create the environment where “shadows” are formed in a man’s psychological makeup.

“In psychology, according to Carl Jung, the concept of the "shadow" refers to the unconscious and often repressed aspects of the self that an individual finds unacceptable or undesirable,” explains Dr. Lev. “The shadow consists of the parts of ourselves that we have disowned, denied, or suppressed due to cultural or societal conditioning.

Psychological shadows are like hidden parts of a person's mind. They develop when people try to fit in with society's rules and hide parts of themselves that don't seem acceptable. Society teaches us how to behave, but sometimes we suppress our true feelings or desires to match those rules. These hidden parts can affect our thoughts and actions without us even realizing it. They can cause conflicts inside us which force these hidden psychological factors to create patterns that play out over and over again in your life.

Patterns such as:

  • Relationship Patterns: A person who experienced abandonment in their past may develop a shadow that causes them to fear intimacy, leading them to push away partners or avoid forming deep connections or failing to leave an abusive relationship.
  • Self-Criticism: Shadows can fuel self-critical thoughts and a negative self-image such as an individual with a shadow of unworthiness may constantly berate themselves, doubting their abilities and feeling undeserving of success or happiness.
  • Projection: Someone who denies their own anger may constantly perceive others as angry or aggressive, reflecting their own unresolved emotions.
  • Addictive Behaviors: Shadows can contribute to addictive behaviors as individuals attempt to escape or numb their hidden emotions. For example, someone with repressed sadness or trauma may turn to substance abuse or excessive gambling as a way to avoid facing their painful experiences.

It is important to note that these are just a few examples, and shadows can manifest in various ways depending on the individual's unique experiences and the depth of their emotional suppression. More important is that this can be a root cause of the same negative life experiences repeating over and over again. The feeling of being trapped and lack of progress in a given area of your life but you can’t figure out why. The reasons for which remain unknown, elusive and just out of reach to you.

Because at the heart of shadows lies self-sabotage. That, and the inability to grow past a certain point due to an underlying subconscious cause. The result of which is that it keeps pulling an individual back to that limitation.


The Road to Recovery


To break free from the cycle of emotional suppression, it is crucial for men to develop self-awareness to get in tune with their feelings. Opening up about emotions, sharing feelings with trusted individuals, and seeking professional help are all essential steps towards fostering emotional well-being.

To break free from unhealthy coping mechanisms and promote emotional well-being, men can adopt various strategies to manage their emotions in a healthy manner. Here are some effective techniques:

  • Emotional self-awareness: Spend time in quiet self-reflection to identify and explore what you are feeling without judgment. Learn to explore the feeling fully rather than ignore it. This develops self-awareness and serves as the first step toward managing emotions effectively.
  • Expressive outlets: Find healthy ways to express your emotions, such as journaling, art, music, or physical activities. Engaging in creative outlets can help you process and release pent-up emotions in a constructive manner.
  • Mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Practice mindfulness, meditation, deep breathing exercises, or other relaxation techniques to reduce stress, increase self-awareness, and promote emotional well-being.
  • Healthy lifestyle choices: Prioritize self-care by maintaining a balanced diet, engaging in regular exercise, getting sufficient sleep, and avoiding alcohol or drug use. Increasing your physical health is the cornerstone to supporting your ability to get engaged fully with your emotional well-being.
  • Seek personal growth opportunities: Engage in activities that promote personal growth and self-reflection, such as reading self-help books, attending workshops or therapy sessions, or practicing self-reflection exercises. These activities can help you gain insights into your emotions, beliefs, and behaviors, leading to positive changes and growth.

One Day at a Time


The role of being tough and resilient has had its rules set by society as a whole and then adopted by the culture overall. However, little has been made about whether these rules are serving the needs of men to become better sons, friends, fathers, workers, and husbands in the long-term.

Remember, a man fully engaged with his full emotional strength excels in all these roles and also serves as a better role model for the young boys coming up behind them. Rather than mindlessly adopting an invisible set of standards, you owe it to yourself to question whether the norms of society, and even your own family, are fully serving you.

Redefining masculinity to include emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and self-care is crucial in nurturing men's mental and emotional health. Society is better served by encouraging open conversations and destigmatizing those seeking help.

By doing so, it can pave the way for a future where men can thrive emotionally, mentally, and holistically in the long-run benefiting society far greater as a whole.

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